I honestly don’t know where to start… I haven’t written anything in over a year.  Partly the fact too much happens in my life.  I cannot keep up writing about everything that goes on.  I need to get back into writing, it was like a sense of peace that let me explain myself in detail… I’m a terrible speaker, but I love to write… even if my grammar is not all up to par.  The past year I have been working as an EMT.  I really do love my job, there are a bit of downfalls to the title, but overall I’m greatful for what I have.  I work mostly with great people and formed awesome bonds with them.  I’ve finally decided to go back into nursing.  I’m scheduled to start school back up again in September, I’m excited.  I’m working hard to change my life around, it was a dark year, but I’m giving it my all to make a difference.  When my aunt and friend died a couple of months ago it showed me a new side of things… I don’t know how to explain it, but it opened my eyes.  I became good friends with someone this past year.  she has taught me a lot about people and life in general just by working together.  I realized we have both been through a couple of the same things and I wasn’t alone.  She explained to me how much it can affect your life and how it took her about 13 years to finally come to terms with what happened.  I’m amazed at how she could change her life around and I want to do the same.  Its hard though… I get to a point that I think Im moving up in my life and shit happens… pretty much every week.  Almost like a video game and all I want to do is reach the next level, but the flying bullets with the little poison midget people keep shooting me down as I pass by the castle with the yellow flag waving at the finish line.  I have gave up on love for now, too much pain… too many assholes in the world.  I should be fine with being single, I have bigger things to deal with and guys are just drama and needy…  Summer finally came and it feels like November, odd.  I wish I didn’t invest in a Disneyland pass this year, a big waste of money since no one will go.  Yeah so what else… I’m still recovering from being robbed, stabbed, and beat up.  If only I didn’t have 2 broken ribs things would be going more smoothly.  Police have a report, so I’m hoping to hear some good news soon.  I’m learning more and more about diabetes and other health problems then I would of wanted too… I rather be overseas right now then here in California.  I miss London and my family in Switzerland.  No matter how much I want to rant… I’m happy… and I’m grateful for what I have……

What do you value most about life?  Is it love?  Beauty?… Drugs, sex, and rock n’ roll?  I was given this question today by my instructor in EMT and he made us think about what was most important to value in our everyday lives.  We were given 40 cards, each card had a value and its definition.  We than picked our top 5 values we think makes a difference in our lives.  After all five were picked… we choose our top value.  As the students finished, the class walked around and viewed what each person valued most in their life.  Some where shocking and some made you think why they feel such a way.  Strangely, I was the only one who picked a certain word that I valued the most.  I will display and explain mine at the end.  Right now check out all 40 values here and decide what is important in your life… take the time and really think.  You can pick 5 or just the one that you value most.

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Now that you have chosen your values, here’s mine…

1. Freedom
2. Love
3. Humor
4. Trustworthiness
5. Creativity

I was the only one who chose freedom as most valued.  For me, I believe if we were denied all form of freedom we have been given… then there would be no love, humor, creativity, wealth, success, patience, nor independence… and so on in this world.  People do not realize how good they have life until a certain privilege is taken away. Most of the world is fighting for rights and freedom and we live there dream everyday and sometimes do not realize we are given so much more… because of freedom.  For the rights freedom has given me, I’ve been able to express my creativity, choose who I want to love, and be the person I hope I can become.  Without Freedom, I have nothing… and if I have nothing, what do I value?

A sickness can have you hearing the weirdest things in a conversation.

As of sunday I caught a lovely cold from my brother.  Yesterday I was doing ok, though once I went to bed last night I’ve been feeling as if my head is about to explode any second.  I am now an owner of a sinus infection.  Which includes with no extra cost a migraine, jaw pain, eye pain, nose pain, body aches, a leaky noise, sneezing, and the oh famous cough.  My life is just wonderful right now. As I take shots of Day Quil and pop my pills, I then proceeded to my afternoon lecture class.  My instructor decided for us to work with someone in the class so we can get to know them and share it with the class.  Which I do not mind, in which this will help us learn more about each other for the rest of this semester.  So I picked this guy next to me and learned we both want to be Paramedic Firefighters, awesome.  But after the second question I realized I cannot hear anything this guy is saying if it could save my life.  My cold had taken full control and my hearing was now going down hill faster then Britney Spears career.

Guy: I would like to drive an Impala. 

Me: You want to go to Polly’s?  They do sell good pies.

Guy: No, I want to get an Impala.

Me: An empanada? 

Guy: No! I want an IMPALA.

Me: Come again?

Guy: IMPALA… I WANT AN IMPALA.

Me: Ohhh you want an Impala.

Guy: Yes!… How about we stop and just use the info we already have done.

Me: You sure?

Guy: I think what we have down will be just fine. 

Me: Who got fined?

I doubt he’ll be sitting by me next week.

My EMT Academy decided to hire a new drill sergeant for are morning routines.  He’s a man who’s been in the Marines for 10 years and now has decided to put our class in line.  If our hands did not all hit the side of our pants at the same time… we ran.  If our ‘yes sir’ or ‘no sir’ was not loud enough to where the fire and police academy could hear us outside from the next building over… we ran.  Now when we ran… we sang… and we sang loud.

“Left, left, left, right, left”

“Left, left, left, right, left”

“I’m gonna make my mama proud”

“I’m gonna be an EMT”

“Left, left, left, right, left”

“Left, left, left, right, left”

“I don’t have two left feet”

“I know my right to my left to my right”

“Left, left, left, right, left”

“Left, left, left, right, left”

“I’ll shake my booty while I sing”

“And learn how to march if it takes all day”

“Left, left, left, right, left”

“Left, left, left, right, left” 

And so on we marched, jogged, and ran till we worked as the squads we were suppose to in the first place.  When I was in the Academy during fall of 07 they never had anything like this… we did our thing and began class.  Anwyays, I was placed into squad 4 this time… I do miss squad 1, but we sometimes have to move on.  For some reason I do not miss this place, except the people I got to know in the progress.  Well 15 more weeks and I’l be taking my nationals!

Phil Hansen is a very creative artist who does what most would never think of when creating an outstanding piece of art.  Each time he out does himself with the brillant ideas he masters.  I am a fan and respect his work as another fellow artist.  Therefore, I decided to post one of his recent videos to put a smile on your face as well mine.

By the way… Happy Valentines Day.

Today I was given the Nelson Dennys also known to me as the devils cousins test.  The lady asked me to sign the log where everyone who ever taken the test agreed to the understandings of the test.  The paper which was still on page one dated back in the early 1990’s.  I was concerned, yet somewhat baffled of the whole situation.  She sat down with me and re-sighted the rules.

“Ok vocabulary is 80 questions in 15 minutes.  You can not erase an answer, just circle a different choice and move on.  Do not bother to read everything on the paper, because there is not enough time. The second part is comprehension, 38 questions in 20 minutes.  You have to read each passage before answering the questions.  Are you ready?”

I sat to myself wondering why someone so nutty would design a test with an impossible amount of time.”Huh?”

“Ready, are you ready for this test?”

“Do I get any life lines? A phone call, a majority vote…?”

She smiled, “No, but your ready and you’ll be fine.”

At least someone thought I was ready and she for saw in my future I’ll be fine… smart lady.  I began the vocabulary section and only made it to question 62, “Wow I know luck isn’t usually on my side, but damn.”

“You made it to 62, good job, some do not even make it to 30… I dont understand how people can take this test, there is not enough time.”

“Um I haven’t even made it to part two, your oh so helping my confidence at the moment.  I’m slowly drowning in your opinion.”

“Oops sorry, heres part two.”

After 20 minutes I realized something… would Albert Einstein be fast enough to take the devils cousins test?  Yeah probably, I mean he is Albert Einstein for god sakes!  I answered 21 out of 38 questions… I’m even more out of luck now then when I went gambling last week.

“Well you got an 8o total, which is high for someone who did not even finish the test in both sections.  People have gotten around 70 to 91 when their test is fully completed.  You still had almost 40 more questions to finish.”

“What does this mean?”

“You needed 120 to pass, but you got the highest score since 1997.  I bet if you take the test again you would have a high chance of passing with your rate. You have two try’s to pass.”

I sighed to myself, do I really want to take four months of a long drawn out class debating over the correct forms of reading… not if I can avoid it.  ”Sign me up.”

“Good choice… I’ll see you this Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.”

Splendid.

I can read… I love to read, but the college does not think I’m capable of reading.  Last year I was all set to graduate with my Associates of Science.  My counselor signed my graduation papers, everything was all set… until I got a denial saying I never did a reading course.

I stood there waving my denial paper to the counselor, “Are you serious? Why did you sign me off to be allowed to graduate?”  

“I must of over looked your score, but yes you need a year and a half of reading classes to graduate.”

Beyond frustrated now, “Let me get this straight, you gave me the wrong qualifications to graduate and now your saying I am stuck here for another year?”

“Well if you don’t meet the requirements, yes… though there is another way.” He turned around and went through some folders.

“What?  What is this way you speak of… must not pass go until you pay 200 dollars? I’ll pay the 200 if it gets me to graduate.” 

“Not quite, we can give you a tricapee test to challenge your reading score, but the dean needs to accept the application first.”

“To show I can read?  I swear I can read.”  I look to my left at a poster on the wall. “Club meeting will be held next week due to poor weather conditions… see I can read… what’s the problem Mr.?” This whole mess was down right annoying now.  If a person can pass all there english classes, wouldn’t that show one can read?”

I sat there dumbfounded as he looked at me funny, “Take the test.”

Did I miss a word in the poster?  

I grabbed the paper with a frown and walked away like a kid who has been punished by there grumpy teacher who smelt like cheese.

Today I took my ‘can you read what I’m saying’ test.  Last time I sat down and took this test was 5 years ago.  I’m now sitting here with a bunch of hormonal ‘I know everything’ high schoolers which was not on my list to do, yet there I was next to Miss. Bitchy and Sir Probably Hump A lot.  After an hour of questions that would of even made my old english teacher go, ‘Is that even a question?’  I soon found out I missed my goal by one question on the test yet again.  However, the school decided to try me on a test called, Nelson Denny’s Test.

“What is the Nelson Denny’s Test?”

The lady in charged laughed, “It’s an 80 question test that gives you only 15 minutes to complete.”

“Whaaaa?”

“I havent given anyone this test in 3 years, because no one is willing to give it a try.”

“And I see why… 15 minutes?  Thats worse then me doing a EMT patient assessment in under 5 minutes for the first time.” 

“I’ve only seen one student pass the test since I’ve worked here…  Hey if you fail you fail, though if you pass… one less class for graduation?” 

“Where do I sign?” 

Today I sentenced myself with the test made by the devils cousin for February 12th 2:30pm sharp… this will be interesting. 

There are two reasons why I still work at the retail job I’m at right now.
1. I love the people I work with
2. I have bills to pay for and money for transportation

This week has been tough…  I work very hard, I never sit on the job, and I believe in maintaining good stock at a fast rate, because I hate dealing with customers.  We all make mistakes, no ones perfect… some think they are, but thats a different issue.  I make mistakes.  I made one last week.  I clocked out at 2:15 in the morning instead of 3:00 in the morning.  Why?  I was sick… and when you are sick, your bound to do something stupid.  I did something stupid.  Once I clocked out, I realized I was screw that very second.  It means you ass is grass and you hope to god your boss understands.  Nope, I must of left my luck at home next to my medication.  So now I’m under some violation 30 day watch improvement plan… fantastic.  The sad part is some things people say are not true, but your word never matters, for your just a stock girl who replenishes the store when things get ugly. 

Over the last month I thought it would be a brilliant idea for me to try sales.  Now mind you I work in a area where rich greedy folks will take advantage of you.  They think they have money, so whatever goes for them… wrong.  I’m not going to hold your items in my hands as you shop, for I don’t care.  I’m not going to treat you any different than the rest of the customers, because I don’t care.  Telling me your eyes are ugly in your drivers license picture before the eye brow lift… I don’t care.  Your money means nothing to me… because I really don’t care.  I loose all my joy in selling before I hit the floor because of these fools who suck the joy in what little I have at my minimum wage job.  I know I’m not great at selling, but I will do anything I can to help if the customer is nice to me.  If you have a different plan besides nice, you can kiss my ass.

I had someone ask me the other day… Why are you going to work as an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) in 4 months if you hate customers at your store?  Easy… I’ll be making a difference in this world.  I know I will not be treated nicely nor thanked  90% of the time, but I will be there to save lives.  Selling products to snobby rich people, does not make me feel like I’ve done my part.  Finding a patient who is ano x 0 and bring them back to life is my happiness.

Yes I just ranted, I’m upset, and instead of explaining to people… you can read some of my frustrations.  Thanks for reading. 

I have not been posting because I’m lazy, which at times is questionable… but we’ll save that for different time.  I’ll start with the fact I’m trying to get more of a life lately outside work and home.  I tried the other night by viewing the movie Cloverfield.  Boy I never knew I had motion sickness till that evening… over all it was interesting, made you feel as though you were the one running hell over the hills trying to catch your idiot of a friend who of course is madly in love.  However, the ending was very disappointing… there was so much one could do with the movie, yet they thought to cut the movie short. For being in Southern California, rain becomes a rare sighting.  This week I’m enjoying every god for saken rain drop we are receiving.  I love rain, but why does the storm have to hit during the evening nights where I can not see the pour that I instead have to listen too? Today I had to be the evil mother and take my doggy to get her teeth cleaned, because I can not afford to keep taking people to the doctor from passing out by the smell of her breath… it gets expensive.  First I do not like the thought of someone putting my baby under just for teeth cleaning, but after the last 10,000th complaints, I knew something needed to be done or the whole world would soon be consumed by this nastiness.  Therefore, this morning I drove her down to the vet for teeth cleaning and also I wanted a micro dog.  The thought of a chip to track my Jack Russell Terrier was brilliant.  As soon as the papers were signed they took off her collar and she dragged her body all the way to the door with the nurse.  My heart broke, I felt like the worse mother ever to my doggy.  Two more hours and I’ll get a call to pick her up, I hope all goes well… maybe she might smell better then Mr. Clean/minty/non-chemically… we can all hope.

 On a happier note, I’m drawing and painting again.  I’m working on a new piece right now which I will be filming as I’m creating the design…  I will have updates on that sometime later.  I have not been drawing for about a year, definitely over due to share my weird creative side once again.

Taco Bell and I have a love hate relationship which no one, not even us, will ever understand.  I have not encountered much problem with Taco Bell in a long time.  For a minute I thought the war was over… boy was I wrong.

I usually finish up closing at my work by 10:30pm if I’m lucky.  By then I’m hungry like a fat kid love’s cake.  Not much is open at the time, so I usually resort to Taco Bell or Del Taco.  Last night was Taco Bell.

I pull up to the drive thru and you know how at times someone does not pull up all the way and you end up not being close enough to the speaker to give them your order?  I waited there for two minutes as I listened to the man on the radio continuously say, “Are you ready?” click “Hello, are you ready yet?” click “Hello?” click…  I always wondered if they ever had cameras to know if a car is at the speaker, but this clearly tells me they don’t or he would not be talking to himself this long.

I soon arrived to the speaker and realized he was not going to greet my presence, yet he was now tired of having a lonely conversation with himself and the crickets outside. “Hello… yeah I think I’m ready to order.”

“What would you like?”

“Can I have your Chicken Grilled Taquito meal with a Mountain Dew.”

“We don’t have that.”

“Yes you do.”

“Mmm no we don’t… I’m looking at the buttons and we do not have one that says so.”

Confused at the sudden change in my weekly meal, “Yes you do, I order it every week.”  Oh my god… Did I just confess my deep dark secret?  A secret shared between only me and my usual window man.  Silence fell for a minute, probably thinking I’m a crazy addict who needs there weekly fix of fake cheap Mexican food.

“Are you sure it’s not called something else?”

Is he new?  Doesn’t he know what he sells at his job?  “Yes I’m sure.”

“Hold on one second …….. yes we do sell the meal, we will have your total at the first window.”

Thrilled I was going to get my usual meal I drove to the next window where I arrived to a lady who looks to be rapped in a plastic bag covered in grease and pieces of unknown substances I believe may be seasoning.  If I did not look a second time I would of probably started waiting for the big bad wolf to pop out any minute and place her in the oven for a late thanksgiving feast. “Your total is $5.34”

Bewildered by her appearance, I tried to find my cash as if I forgot what American dollars looked like from inside my bag. “Ah I think that’s it.”  I hand her my money while my jaw hung low still dumbfounded.  I continued to comptemplate if she was pretending to wear an apron and not a made-shift seasoning holder.

Quickly grabbing my change I proceeded to the second window amazed of the new things you seem to encounter everyday.

“Hi, here is your drink… and here is your meal.”

I grab my food while recovering from shock, and drove off forgetting to check what they even gave me and if my order is even present.  By the time I realized my mistake, was by the time I made it home and saw that I did not have a Mountain Dew… no no no… that would be too easy.  I stood looking down at a Pepsi.

I haven’t found out where the love is between Taco Bell and I… maybe it’s within the Pepsi… like a trade mark… a trade mark from hell!